Ghetto Love, the Unpenetrable Bond?…06.24.2008

Okay, sorry to disappoint, but this post is not about TI or Tiny or the countless others who have donned themselves “the successful ghetto love story”.   Isn’t that an oxymoron? Funny ish.

Anyway, I was having an email conversation with a young AA female whom I believe to be a very misguided 20-year-old. Poor thing. This is something I’ve been meaning to get off my chest and relay to her for quite some time. I’ve hinted at it, but today I called myself providing some much-needed guidance.  It wasn’t well-received…but it never  is! Maybe I’m just like a pool table…green and square, and everyone else are colorful little balls that bounce around and get all the “fun” action while I provide a platform for balance…and gravity.  Although I wouldn’t consider being banged around, hit on, and tossed about in a game “fun” unless of course it was the other kind of “fun”. Weird thought.

Anyway, I’m on a tangent…let’s get straight.  Even though she isn’t embarrassed, I am embarrassed for her. Let’s just say, I know her well enough to tell it like it is, and she knows me well enough to spit some dumb ish back without either of us throwing blows or any love lost. So, to protect her identity, she shall remain nameless and unidentified on my blog. She can parade that tomfoolery on her own.  Here is how the convo went:

Queen Sassy: Only Cause I love you, I’m going to tell you that:


1))  It’s mighty pitiful to have to put two separate pics together to make a whole one with you & your supposed gangsta boo “husband” in it just to have one of ya’ll in one together. Don’t tell yourself its because he’s always out of town. Ya’ll had time to make a baby. Right?


2.)) It was kinda cute (yet still ghetto & degrading) when Trina came out with Baddest Bitch, but some of ya’ll have taken this to a whole new level. You are officially too old & worth too much to refer to yourself as a bitch or hoe or any other derogatory term ghetto hood rats find cute….or find pride in being someone’s “gansta wife”. That isn’t cute. Sadly, you are not a real wife, so you’ve been diminished to putting a fake title in front of this one…and even more sadly..partly because he already has a real wife. Besides, isn’t the man supposed to choose his wife? Please recognize game if you are a real woman. Open your eyes. Don’t do that.


3.)) I thought pregnancy and being a mother was supposed to open a woman’s eyes to the world happening around her. It is supposed to make her see things she didn’t see before in people and in things. Pay attention to the company you keep. Are you really proud of that? Is that what you are? I thought being a mother makes you feel like you had to portray yourself in a better light for the sake of your children due to your new gift of responsibility. Yet you don’t recognize or respect how easily that gift can or could have been taken away from you. You abuse it by ignoring your responsibility when you feel like it, portraying yourself in a less than flattering light when you know you’re someone’s momma, and on top of that you take pride in praising a man who can’t even be man enough to publicly claim you the same way you have claimed him.  Where are you on his web page? What? You really want to be with him so bad you make yourself a “wife” to someone who can’t even respect his real wife, or at least divorce her? Please hold yourself to a higher standard, and pray to be delivered from making a fool out of your own image so that your boys don’t have to pay for it later. If you do better, they will do better.


4.))  Everyday I view your page, I am saddened by what has become of you image wise. You are more special and more beautiful and more intelligent than this. It doesn’t count for you to say you can turn the ghetto behavior off when you need to. That was funny when you told me that a few months ago. That makes it even worse, that you voluntarily choose to look so silly just to be with the crowd.


5.)) You’ve had your “fun”. It’s time to stop basking in the Ghetto Glory and step your game up. Get with people who want more out of life, out of family, and out of love. DO BETTER! Love you Sweetie.


Misquided 20-yr-old: only because I love you too I feel like I can tell u this without any consequences I’m only being me and if you dont like it then I’m sorry! And for your info being a mother to lil boys has changed me you’re just not around enough to notice it. Umma tell you just like I tell my parents, just because I’m not conforming to wat u think I should act like doesn’t mean there something wrong wit tha way I act! I love myself just the way I am and dats all that matter! And as far as me and him go I’m happy with our current arrangement and again dats all that matter! Sorry boopz!



Queen Sassy: Lawdy! LOL. No consequences here. It’s all love. If you say so…do you! I love you still.  You can have the shirt off my back. You know that. I just think you AND your kids deserve MUCH more than you are getting, and you can have it. But YOU, momma, have to think that too in order for anything to change for the better. If you are happy in your current state, then you have LOW SELF-ESTEEM. You don’t think as highly of yourself as you should regardless of what you say. Who are you trying to convince in your response anyway? If you don’t want change, that’s on you, and that’s okay, but it’s funny how people justify being a certain way by uplifting non-conformity. I absolutely agree that you shouldn’t conform to every and all standards. Be unique. You are conforming to something though..and it IS something wrong with it. You just can’t or refuse to see what’s wrong. It isn’t just by my standards that you should probably be embarassed. Don’t give me or your parents that much credit! Obviously, you are not embarassed, since you publicly profess your “current arrangement”. That’s sad. If you want to be unique, BE unique all the way, but sometimes, especially on this web page, you look just like the other ghetto hood rats who also believe they have no choice but to accept that lifestyle. That is NOT who you are, I don’t care WHAT you say. It’s just who you have conformed to be and you are comfortable perpetrating. I’ve watched your life for the past 20 years of mine, and I don’t have to be there everyday to see what you’ve grown into or how much you’ve changed. I mean c’mon…you and I BOTH know the difference between right and wrong. Good and Bad…Better and WORSE. You just choose to ignore those contrasts in this decision point only, which is a way of thinking you picked up from people you wanna associate yourself with along with convincing yourself that it is all you need and that you’re okay with it. Who you tryna fool? Must be yourself, but if you can live with it, I guess I can live around it….in doses. P.S. Hopefully you aren’t mad, but if you are, you know I’m still the boss of you, and I don’t care…well I do, but seriously it’s all love. Just want better 4 ya! Peace.

Some of you may blame me for meddling, but when are we as women gonna stand up and realize that WE are the prize???! On that note, what ya’ll think about this article I found?

Marry Your Baby Daddy Day!!!

 Ten couples were wed on the 1st annual MYBD Day

Excerpt from the Article: “I thought when I did this, I’d have swarms of women calling me begging me to marry them,” says Reid. “I didn’t. I had lots of men telling me they wanted to marry their baby mamas. Many women told me that they were embarrassed. They didn’t think they would ever get married. They didn’t think they were good enough. They were OK with him just being there,” Reid expounds. “And on the wedding day, the women couldn’t stop thanking me. They were like, ‘Mrs. Reid, I never dreamed or thought it could happen to me.’ So it could be a self-esteem issue. Also, a lot of couples think of marriage as an esteemed position for certain people.”   Those statistics, they affect everybody,” says Reid, who actually was once engaged but did not marry. “It affects everybody; it affects the single women, it affects the married women, it affects the divorced women.”Reid believes that part of why black women say they don’t want to be married is fear; the other piece of the puzzle is lack of communication.  “From what I’ve learned, women just don’t articulate their needs clearly enough. There’s a lot of non-verbal communication — men don’t understand that. Black women or women in general need to set the tone and take the power back in relationships.” 

As for the colloquial, often derogatory, name of the program, Reid says: “I wanted to bring attention to the issue itself. We know this speaks to a demographic — it’s the community I’d like to reach out to — the younger portion of the community that’s not as educated about marriage and its values as maybe our older people are. And also, the fact that “baby daddy” and “baby mama” have such negative connotations, you don’t expect the word “marry” and “baby daddy” to be in the same sentence. So it’s about empowering the whole phrase.”
The next “Marry Your Baby Daddy Day” will be held in September 2007. If you are a cohabitating unwed couple with a biological child living in the New York City area, call 212 946 5164 or go to for more information.



5 Responses to “Ghetto Love, the Unpenetrable Bond?…06.24.2008”

  1. Wow! Girl you are good! First the pool table reference was great. Were would us colorful balls be, if we didn’t have the square pool table providing us that much needed area to roam around in, without going to far. You are a place reference and much needed guidance, even when we don’t want it. Second, I knew who you were talking about right off the bat. I’ve always been dumbfounded at that situation. It’s amazing to me knowing how we all grew up being taught right from wrong, and with the same values, and morals (mostly), that a person could choose to live that way. I don’t understand how a person could be happy settling for that. That? that situation, why don’t you want more? And you think your current arrangement is ok, really? And you don’t want more, you can settle for being his mistress? Chile boo! Baby or not that’s what you are. If your happy, then I guess I have no choice than to be happy for you. But me, I’m going “Get with people who want more out of life, out of family, and out of love”, cause I want more.

  2. hey girl! *waves frantically*

    welcome to the blogosphere! i know i’m late but… lol.

    i haven’t gotten a chance to read your posts yet, but i will be back later to soak in the sassy. lol. from the looks of it, you already have a strong readership. wow. i’m jealous. lololol.

    just wanted to come by and let you know that i was here. going to add you to the blogroll stat.

    anyhoo, be back.

    hope all is well!

  3. classatmysassytree Says:

    Muze!! You made it! Glad you stopped by to visit. I’m having a good time, so thanx for the shout out and for the encouragement!


    Had to give you your props on a topic that is much talked about but rarely “thought” about. I agree its sad that people that people put limits on who, and what they are, as well as where they are headed.

    Thanks for being uplifting to those who truly dont know any better.

  5. Every time I come to you have another interesting article to read. A friend of mine was telling me about this topic a couple weeks ago, so I think I’ll e-mail my friend the link here and see what they say.

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