My Sassy Solar Sky…A Lot Like Love

 

Gotta Release some Sass before I get into my topic. I’ll try and keep it short. First, I know I’m late in posting ya’ll. Get off ma back! I apologize for my delay though, f’real. Today’s post is about something I think about when no one is watching me real good. It sort of relates to what I’m about to mention, but not really. Look, just flow with it. 

Here’s the truth. At times, I feel a little crazy. I don’t tell anyone because even though I know everyone goes through an unstable moment or two here & there, I don’t want to be associated with THEM. Shoooooot, I got my ish together!  I’m strong and independent. Weeeelll, I’ve been going through a particularly challenging time in life where there are lots of moving parts….literally. (*cue the violins*). 

I’ve prayed for the best outcome in every corner. However, while I wait, there are days I have an impressionable “tude” that is less than impressive. Okay ya’ll, I’ve been downright snappy on top of sassy…sometimes with a straight smile on my face. Another oxymoron! Okay, for those who consider my normal sassiness as mean & snappy anyway…let me explain the difference.

Mean would have been hanging up on the recruiter while she was in mid-sentence for insulting me. She thought it was a good idea to prep me for how to properly dress for an interview. “Do you have hosiery, she asked?”, and “what about pumps…skirt or pants?…please avoid pants”. Despite the fact that the managerial role is senior-level in nature and my background and resume CLEARLY outline my expertise…despite that when I open my mouth you CLEARLY know that you don’t have to explain hosiery vs. bare legs, pumps vs. sandals, skirt vs. pant suit details to a person of my caliber, she still made a point to remind me  to “don’t slouch, make eye contact”. Woman, I’ve interviewed chief officers for goodness sake!  I’ve placed YOUR position before…fresh out of college, are you kidding me? But no, I sassily let her finish, and explained that I don’t wear hosiery in the summer because frankly, it is too hot. Can white people even tell when black women go sans panty hose anyway? Mean would have banged the phone on the table while she talked checking in only to hear her frustration & devishly laughing at her referring to “call interference” while I say “everything’s clear on my end, I don’t know what that is”, then banging again as she proceeds until she is forced to call me back, but I had my Ally McBeal moment in silence & I pressed on.

Mean, would have been to run and close hang my supposed softball coach who is the same age as me for his lack of tact in delivery and effectiveness. He gets on my nerves. I had been meaning to tell him that but in my “crazy” moment, he says “if you’ll hurry up & come on, we can start practice”.  I mean did he not see that I was getting myself ready? No one has ever been called out for taking their time to put on cleats, & its not because others are always in a rush. Why was he picking on me? There’s only five of us here, and I would hardly call that a “practice”, plus aren’t we all grown? How is one person holding up a whole half team of husky individuals from starting practice? Hit the field then! Who is he supposed to be anyway? I have a daddy, and there was a more polite way to infer that I was holding him up. Anyway, you had to be there. I was trippin’. Instead, I sassily warned him that a cursing out was coming. He did not take heed.  So, we all know what happened. So, now that I have the non-believers on board, I feel crazy because after I snap, I’m so cool…man, I turn into Cybil…unaffected by the cold I left in the air. I’m back to cracking jokes and pleasantries and what not. My poor friends & family. I love them.  They know it too. Though their timely rants about my personality kaleidoscope during this uncomfortable time get on my nerves too, I only feel understanding, love, and acceptance. They know it will pass. I know it will too. We just glide on through.   Well, some of us….but I just had to get that little bit off my chest. I’m not really crazy. I just had a couple of moments of slight insanity yesterday. I’m okay now…gotta relieve that pressure sometimes.  

 

So okay, most people don’t know this about me, but I’ve always been fascinated by the awesomeness of our solar system. It’s a nerdy curiosity I have that I don’t tend to discuss it in friendly clusters or family gatherings. Even in random settings, chin to shoulder with strangers at a Star Trek convention, I might be poker-faced. Seriously though, the topic just never seems to make its way into a discussion.  A friend of mine caught on though, then later sent me articles about the solar system as we let our work days go by (not everyday all day people!), and we would have our delightful exchange. I’m not the only one!(*pushing up imaginary glasses on my nose*) Don’t hate.

 

CJ, Meesh, road trip to Michael’s. We makn’ me a shirt that says “I {heart} Nerds”. I’m rockin’ that ish!!

                                                                   

Anyway,this is what my topic is about. Something came to me today I wanted to share. An odd parallelism that emerged as I typed my thoughts, something became more and more apparent.

 My Sassy Solar Sky….a Lot like Love.                                          

I’ve always been fascinated by astronomy and the solar system…
It’s because the mystery amazes me…the beauty of it…the fact that I can see it existing, and I know its there.
it’s something reachable yet beyond my reach…unless I really want it.
I can’t touch it, but if I focused and set forth goals, I could get there.
I love that I can watch it from afar, and dream about what it might be like if I was there.
It always has something interesting for me to take in.
I want to know the answers about its beginnings before the books & scholars came,
but I’m almost afraid to know the real ancient truth in its entirety.
I’m content with the man-made & scientific explanation of this thing that was decided & planned way before my existence,
mostly because I know the real answers are beyond earthly comprehension.
 
Still I can’t help but wonder. What’s beyond that farthest star? Something brighter or much worse? 
What if emptiness lurks in the spaces unseen? A dark, gaping hole of nothing will kill my excitement. I don’t want to go there. Deeper knowledge is too risky.  I may be overwhelmed or left unsatisfied. I’ll just enjoy and accept what’s in front of me. In due time, I’ll know for sure. Yes. I’ll enjoy what I see when I proudly and expectantly tilt my head up and look towards our only true source for light and energy. I’m fully content.  It just IS…
 
I’m drawn to its enormous presence of natural beauty…the imaginative, yet unimaginative heaven I know it contains…this entity predisposed to and capable of spewing out every known and unknown sort of weirdness and strangeness that I can only speculate about. Such power…sometimes demonstrative.  Those are the times I’m unprepared or rather, too prepared. My umbrella is always in the car. I’m drenched on my way to seek shelter. I end up changing later…a chance to feel comfort again. In hindsight, I chastise my comical but costly attempt to predict the unpredictable elements even the most educated and experienced forecasters fail to deliver upon 100%. 
 
Mysterious ways, unexplained patterns, will always perplex…
All I can do is just wait for the inevitable awe my sky will offer me next….
I’ve always acknowledged my attraction to it. How can I forget?…
Taking mental notes to next time, weather the storm a little better.
 
The fact that I got wet reminds me of what I know already. 
Elements of something this spectacular can harm me….especially if myself or others are allowed to contribute to its destruction…(in hindsight this statement applies to so many things. I impress myself 😉
If I get too close for comfort…that very comfort I seek will elude me, and I will be exposed. 
Vulnerable to the ultra beyond the violet in the many wavelengths of my sky’s spectrum. 
Damage invisible, radiation almost undetectable to the untrained or naked eye…until I’m not feeling well.
 
From the moment I first took notice of my sky…the way it made me feel,
When I really think back to the time I first recognized it in my life….
Strangely I’ve had the feeling that it has forever been. It’s normal to me. I never questioned it there.
Controlling my universe before I was even aware of it. I’m aware of it now.
Every time I see the sun…feel the warmth of day…Every time I see 
The twinkling or the disappearing streak of a shooting star..
Each time the shining of the moon captures contrast against the dark….
While the seemingly tiny speckles of light & energy sparkle in the backdrop…
 
Tiny indications…tiny comforts ease my chagrin as I wonder if this night is the last..the end…
Knowing better,
Or at least having a strong feeling that tomorrow’s promises & aspirations will surely come.  
In my sky, the floods have been presented, the fire has burnt the edges of the platform where I stand
The brimstone has left dents in my acknowledgement of its power…
Still, this isn’t the end yet…I know that light will come.
 
I’ve been promised day break! Blessings left to receive, sows left to reap. 
Tomorrow, I will get the chance again, to look up and see the wonderful works above me.
So, I do…
When tomorrow arrives, I remember to take notice of my sky. 
As the colors change and the seasons take turns showing off what they can do to the background,
I smile.
I may complain about the almost unbearable heat.
I might shiver in the extreme harshness and cold,
Yet I still revel in my sky’s awesomeness and raw beauty.
It is unique. There will never be another thing like this, and my eyes have witnessed its glory.
 
I realize as I gaze up,
How enormous those tiny things can actually be. So much meaning amazes me. 
As my eyes capture the big picture landscape of my sky…I have a constant reminder.
There is nothing tiny about this.
The sparkling I see each night are not speckles at all…. 
Those elements are the real reality….
My heaven beyond the atmospherical reality it produces. Now I understand.
 
My affinity for its omnipresence hovers over me in a Divine sort of way. God put it there I know.
It has a purpose, I remind myself. It is beautiful…majestic…magical even.  
I have to pay attention to it.  It must not go unnoticed.
 
Divine and Earthly. Light and Darkness. Beauty and the Beast.
I accept it all. Lost in its absence, my world would not make sense, 
Things once written in those stars will never be.
No light, no darkness, no magnificence will loom,
No storms to weather, no growth to assume.
 
Misalignment would present itself.  The ultimate paradigm shift,
Shifts notorious for being the most dramatic
in sciences that appear to be stable and mature.
 
Ancient beyond ancient, I don’t know where it came from,
but it is as familiar to me as the given days are sure to fall in darkness…
only to prepare for the light of a new beginning.
I’m glad its there.
 
I can only imagine why I feel so connected to it, but I could never deny its presence or its beauty.
Human nature…my frustration,
At the violent storms its responsible for, the rain-filled clouds and lightning bolts it boasts…
Yet, I always want it to be there…
Reminding me that I want to know more about it…reminding me of its power.
 
It is that thing I will NEVER fully understand, but I want it in the universe I expect for my future.
Despite of it all, I still want to look up and see something beautiful before my eyes.
I want to know that there is something beyond the rainbow and the night.
It isn’t everlasting, but my sky’s daybreak has been constant.
Harmful elements are spontaneous and unpredictable…preparedness falters. I will weather the storm.
Effects sometimes damaging….lasting only if we don’t rebuild….
its an awesome thing to look up….
A lot like love……
~~~~ Queen Sassy
 
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2 Responses to “My Sassy Solar Sky…A Lot Like Love”

  1. Sry for being offtopic … which WordPress template do you use? It looks cool.

    • classatmysassytree Says:

      I can’t remember. It was two years ago, but I used my own pic in the header image. I just can’t remember how to do it.

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